textiplication.com

Go figure!

that I’ve never used because I don’t use IE for anything but corporate e-mail….

Maureen Johnson.

http://maureenjohnson.blogspot.com/2009/01/2009-new-years-resolutions-revealed.html

You may be wondering what I am going to do with a chainsaw in the middle of New York City. To which I would reply, “What CAN’T I do with a chainsaw in the middle of New York City?!

…

As you probably have guessed, I am a driving force behind the construction of the 17 mile supercollider in Switzerland. My original concept was to have all of the members of Abba collide at 99.9999% the speed of light, almost certainly producing a song greater than Dancing Queen.

…

Carvel could have sold cakes in the shape of giant rats, or guillotines, or Paul Revere’s etching of the Boston Massacre, and I wouldn’t have cared.

…

Anyway, there was this girl named Danielle who was, as I remember it, Satan’s very own spider monkey…

From Matthew Jarpe via Mary Robinette Kowal, 100 things you’ve done/won’t ever do [everything involving heights and climbing is automatically out due to acrophobia and bad knees]:

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland [world, that is]
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumping
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort [man, have I  ever. I'll have to scan the picture sometime]
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkelling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theatre
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favourite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

I think that’s 44 48 49! I keep finding more.  I don’t know where Matthew got the list, which has at least one dependent element - do 49, get 81 for free.

Like Matthew, I’m taking credit for 94 when all of the hard work was done by someone else.

Seeing 100 not bolded on someone’s list would make me very sad.

Let’s see - things I’ve done that are least likely to appear on someone else’s list:

101. Read War and Peace in one day.  The Sunday after the first US war in Iraq started, I woke with the idea and carried it out.  Third time I read W&P.

101a.  Read more than one entire book in a day.

101b.  Read four books in one day.  Pride and Prejudice, The Naive and Sentimental Lover (LeCarre), A Mask for the General (Lisa Goldstein), Taming a Seahorse (Robert B. Parker).

[I'm just plain obsessive at times.  In one 24-hour period this weekend, I read Roberto Bolano's 2666.  In the next 24-hour period, I reread Memory, Komarr, and A Civil Campaign, by Lois McMaster Bujold.  And I was social enough through all this that no one killed me.]

[Not my copy]

102. Attended college as a fifteen year old.  For three weeks, then I turned sixteen.

103. Been frisked by soldiers of a national army and a revolutionary army in the same day.  Night, actually, in Colombia.

104. Climbed around in the stacks of the Library of Congress.  As a kid.

105.  Had more than fifty books in my car at once.

106.  Written a PDF reader - in Java 1.1.  Ooh, you madman.

107.  Ridden the cable car into the mountains outside Zagreb.

108.  Squared timber with an axe.

109.  Conversed for hours with someone I didn’t share a language with.

110.  Been to a wedding in Venice.

Who would win in a fight between Pepper and Takeshi Kovacs?  I guess it depends on Takeshi’s sleeve and what kind of shape Pepper is in, since he kind of gets run through a cheese grater in Ragamuffin.

Hey, Tobias, glad you’re back home!

Chris thought it would be really cool to get five fictional characters into the same room for a dinner party.

1. Sabriel (from Garth Nix’s novel of the same name.  I just might have a thing for brooding female necromancers).
2. Pepper (from Tobias Buckell’s novels.  <raising mug/>get well soon, Tobias)
3. Takeshi Kovacs (from Richard Morgan’s novels–leave the interface guns at home, they just make you twitchy)
4. Paul Atreides (from Dune, Frank Herbert)
5. Joanna Lander (from Connie Willis’ Passage.  Lot of questions for you, Dr. Lander)

Unfortunately, Chris, this isn’t nearly as good an idea as it sounds.  As it happens, I was recently at a party where these five people were holding forth, and it wasn’t pretty.  As all my friends know, I have a near-phonographic ear for fictional conversations, and this is pretty much how it went:

PAUL
…and, I would add, when it happens in the drawing room.
SABRIEL[TO HERSELF]
Pretentious ass.  I bet his mom fed him that line. [NOTICING JOANNA LANDER] Hey, I’m Sabriel. I thought I should introduce myself, since we’re the only women here.
JOANNA
Joanna. I’m sorry, it’s kind of depressing. [SIGHS] I collect near-death experience narratives for a research project.
SABRIEL
Depressing? That’s fantastic! You have no idea how relevant that is to my everyday life!
PEPPER[SIZING UP SABRIEL AND JOANNA]
Hel-lo, ladies!
(Rapt in conversation, JOANNA doesn’t even notice PEPPER. Sabriel gives him a single, irritated glance, briefly touches the the bells strapped to her waist, decides to ignore the interloper.)
PEPPER
(Shrugs and turns away, looking for the bar.)
KOVACS
(Entering, sizes up the crowds, sidles carefully up to PEPPER)
Hey.
PEPPER[GUARDEDLY]
Hey.
KOVACS
Nice sleeve. Where’d you get it?
PEPPER[GLANCES AT SHIRT]
Made it myself.
KOVACS[IMPRESSED]
Wow. I mean, just wow. I thought I was past being impressed. How the fuck did you do that?
PEPPER[CONFUSED, PLAYING IT COOL]
Hey, you got to know how to deal, man. Been by myself a lot, last few hundred years, got to know how to fend, know what I’m saying?
KOVACS
Oh, yes,  I certainly do.
PAUL
I see before me two warriors of powerful aspect. I have need of such men as you.
KOVACS
(Spits)
PEPPER
(Laughing)
Hey, whatever, man.
PAUL
I knew you were going to say that.
SABRIEL
(to Joanna)
No, no, actually it’s not like that at all!
JOANNA
(confused)
What are you talking about? I’ve done hundreds of near-death interviews, and they’re all the same!
SABRIEL
Well, don’t get snooty.
JOANNA
(crumples into tears, turns away, bumps into KOVACS)
KOVACS
Look, I’m sorry we got off on the wrong foot before. Were you saying something about near-death experiences?
JOANNA
Ye-es…
KOVACS
Maybe we should talk.
JOANNA
(brightening)
Why, did you have a near-death experience?
KOVACS
No, but I’ve killed a ton of people.  Maybe you want to watch me in action sometime?
JOANNA
(backs away, horrified, bumps into SABRIEL)
I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so clumsy…
PAUL
(taps her on the shoulder, trying to impress her)
I knew you were going to say that.
JOANNA
(squeals)
SABRIEL
Hey, Joanna, I’m the one who should be saying sorry. Let me show you what I was talking about.
(They leave the room, talking to each other. As they reach the edge of the frame, SABRIEL removes bells from holster at her waist.)
PAUL
(to everyone)
I am Duke Paul Atreides, Agamemnon’s direct lineal heir over three thousand generations!
(frustrated)
Why isn’t anyone impressed?
KOVACS
(bumps into him with his chest)
Why would I be impressed? is there something here I should be impressed with?
(to PEPPER)
Do you see anything I should be impressed with?
PEPPER
Hey, man, I’m just here for the food.
PAUL
(grumbling)
I knew you were going to say that.
(assumes an elaborate martial-arts stance)
You have insulted the honor of my family!
KOVACS
Oh, please. Hey, what’s that on your shirt?
PAUL
(looks down)
What do you mean?
KOVACS
(strikes PAUL seventeen times in the groin, throat, and spine. PAUL collapses to the ground, moaning piteously)
KOVACS and PEPPER exchange high fives.
CASE and MOLLY wander in from outside.
CASE
You ever see a sky like that before?
MOLLY
It was weird.  Kind of like television, tuned to a dead channel.
CASE
I was thinking it was more like a default 404 page, from some lame website.
(scans room)
Fucking bunch of straights. Bet there isn’t an octagon in the entire room.
PEPPER and KOVACS turn toward MOLLY, whistle in unison.
MOLLY faces PEPPER and KOVACS, relaxed but ready for anything.
PEPPER
Honey, you’re prettier than Aztec blood on a white tile floor.
KOVACS
Can I interest you in a life full of despair and futility, punctuated with spasms of pointless violence?
MOLLY
Like, can I hear what’s behind door number three?
PAUL
(from the floor)
I knew you were going to say that.
(Everyone ignores him.)
JOANNA and SABRIEL fade into view, with a sound like the transporters in the original Star Trek.
JOANNA
That was incredible! This will change everything! Let’s see, for the paper, I’ll need you to take three other people, then I’ll collect their narratives…
SABRIEL
(alarmed)
No, you can’t tell anyone. That wasn’t what we agreed.
KOVACS
(trying to impress MOLLY)
Hey, look what I can do!
KOVACS jumps up, clings to the ceiling by his fingertips.
PEPPER
That’s nothing, man.
PEPPER jumps straight up, crashes right through the ceiling.  Bits of plaster rain down.
MOLLY shakes her head in exasperation.
CASE
(to PAUL, trying to get off the floor)
Hey, kid, take it easy. You look like you really took a beating there.
(Snaps fingers for attention)
Can we get this poor fucker a new pancreas or something?
PAUL
(wearily)
I knew you were going to say that.

The secret word is ….

carl.

Those are some amazing footpads.  I hope they don’t take anything else from the house while they’re stopping by.

Do you think you’re supposed to leave the door unlocked, or will they let themselves in?

351 people had already voted in my precinct of Lexington, MA.  The most I’ve ever seen vote on anything is around 3000, by close of polls at 8:00 PM!

The Music Category on this blog sits lonely, an orphan, unaccompanied by a single post.  If you only know me by this blog, you would never guess time and money I spend on music.  I listen almost exclusively to indie rock at the wordier end of the spectrum, but what I look for most of all in music is that it changes the way I hear.  Most of my favorite songs didn’t even strike my ear as music the first time I heard them. 

I can’t remember a better year for music in my life.  In 2008 the following bands and albums all changed the way I hear:

Aesop Rock

Bang on a Can All-Stars Meets Kyaw Kyaw Naing

Battles

The Blow

Cocorosie

Emily Haines and the Soft Skeleton

Girl Talk

Iron & Wine

Joanna Newsom

Los Campesinos

The Mountain Goats

Of Montreal

Oscar Peterson

Pas/Cal

Prototypes

Tinariwen

Why?

Yeasayer

Not all of these bands had new releases in 2008, but all of them were new to me this year.

Right now Department of Eagles is completely blowing my mind.